100 Days of Vibes: Day 2

Posted by carles | July 28, 2015 | 25 Comments


taking-a-test-prepared-tips
It was the biggest test of my life.

It was no different than any other test. The subjects had been covered, the realm of topics had been clearly defined. There were no surprises.

It was only the biggest test of my life because it was today. In a few days, I would have another big test.

The test had various sections. Multiple choice. Fill in the blank. Free Response. Essay. Extra Credit.

I think I got most of the Multiple Choice right. A few were confusing. I don’t think the right answers were there.

Fill in the blank was pretty bad, tbh. Shit went downhill fast. Lost a lot of momentum. It was clear that the content did not.

Free Response was terrible. Honestly could’ve just written jibberish.

Who knows wtf I wrote in the essay section of the test. Seriously, the teacher/grading entity must have thought I had a serious learning disability. Shit was terrible, went on very long about nothing. Very clearly had no mastery of the topic at hand.

My hand was sore from writing so furiously. I just hoped something notable would come out. Something that showed I was a human with listening/learning/writing skills. Something that made me feel like I had sat in that room for hours and hours for a reason. Like I did my homework. Like I naturally wanted to learn about the subject. Or maybe I was just smart enough to get by. Maybe I was just ‘me’ enough to get by.

I was the third person done. I figured it wasn’t worth it to just sit there and pretend to think. That would just be self-imposed misery.

I felt free when I walked out of the test. I walked across the campus.

Days later, I found out that I had failed the class.

I guess I’ll just take it again next semester/year/life. Or maybe just take another class. Maybe it would fall in line with my natural abilities and I wouldn’t have to try so hard. I wouldn’t feel fear. I wouldn’t panic. I would enjoy life because I would feel like a ‘master’ in the subject. It would be just close enough to define ‘me’ as ‘me.’

For now I’ll just keep walking.

I have no idea what I want to do. It was just a test. My parents never really asked about my grades. I thought I was better at school. I thought I was decent at test taking.

I’m hovering around being average.

A pretty girl walked by.

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  • Me

    Like 90 percent of essays should always be answered as such
    * why= why not
    * answer the question by stating the question over and over in several ways
    * vaguely answer something else related
    * use a lot of facts that make sense
    But not really
    * reflect upon a dark childhood moment

    Works

    You always looked good in school
    With ur glasses
    And
    Green bottled brew

    • nixieknoxx

      i started writing an essay for you today. got lost in daydreams instead.

      • Me

        bb
        Please include
        Photos and or
        Stickers and or
        Scratch & Sniff

        ️Luv
        Me 🍦

        • nixieknoxx

          tell me that things won’t change
          and or

          tell me your heart’s still safe

          i know there’s gonna be good vibes
          xoxoxox
          bb

          • Me

            Lovely
            Balance is the answer
            To the cycles on life

            And ferris wheels
            Candy
            And sprinklers

            Summer lovin
            Today
            Is the greatest day
            I’ve ever known
            Cuz it’s a gift
            That’s why we call it
            The present
            ☝️🍦🌟💜

          • nixieknoxx

            freak out.
            give in.

            🙇👉🚀🌅🏡🙋💖💏👪👶👶👶

          • Me

            Who wants that honey ?
            🍯🍯🍯🍯🍯🍯🍯🍯

          • nixieknoxx

            remember when it was the 90’s and my sister was in love with Billy?
            and when Mellon Collie & etc etc was the first cd i ever bought.
            (except my brother and i had to go in on it together
            …and we still needed extra cash from mom bc it was $$$30+ but i def claimed it as MINE and never shared. sorry, Nick)
            i listened that album on repeat
            and devoured the lyrics
            and thought i had a really good chance of joining the band as a back up singer
            D’arcy was cool, but what band wouldn’t be improved upon with a 9 yr old girl?
            sigh.

            also, remember how i got that stereo from the grandparents for christmas that year – dual tape player AND 3 cd changer? yes.
            except it somehow had the alarm function permanently set to midnight.
            i woke up most nights of 6th grade to that woeful piano intro

          • Me

            My double disc Mellon cd was so scratched up too
            Obsessed
            People hated back in the day
            But really
            The pumpkins never failed
            And live…. Powerhouse galore

            Not to many bands had that kinda talent, rage & accessiblilty
            Haters gonna hate

            But really
            Their songs all get u
            In under ten seconds, maybe less…. Genius
            They did it all
            Metal
            New wave
            Goth
            Pop
            Punk
            Electro
            Feel good waves
            Deep complexity
            That lives on
            With us
            Forever

            Prom waves
            Tonight, tonight

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xmUZ6nCFNoU

            All I want
            Is some vintage vinyl pumpkins
            And of course
            Ice cream

          • nixieknoxx

            and through her window shade (shay-ay-ade)

            i watch her shadow move

            who else could so eloquently express voyeurism?
            and all other possible feels one could feel.

            they’re playing here soon – i’ll probably go to make up for that time in 5th grade when i skipped out on their show for a grade school valentines dance. terrible life choices, young self.

          • Me

            Countless terrible
            Choices in my youth
            Currently even
            Really

            But let the
            Sunshine in
            And everything’s
            Gonna be alright
            Lil bet naughty by
            Nature
            Lil bit me
            Just a lil bit
            U do it
            2urself

          • nixieknoxx

            pick up some milk when you stumble home tonight
            i left the light on for you <3

          • Me

            Thank u bb
            That totally helped
            Even tho I barely made to work on time
            And was mildly over anxious my entire morning
            It was
            The light
            That guided me
            Home

          • nixieknoxx

            all this pumpkins nostalgia reminds me

          • nixieknoxx

            ps. plug in your shit and call me.

  • stewart

    Yes

  • dat_bro06

    should “of” copied off of young Rashida Jones over there on your right
    (my left)

    it appears she has mastered the material.
    oh god.

  • marrr

    Project: 100 days unraveling the life of Carles?
    I’ve been getting fatalistic vibes from this blog gradually for a while now.

  • Cyberbully bro

    So Carles is pulling a Sufjan after 2 days already?

    • Me

      Figs …..

    • dat_bro06

      Day 3: The vibes of trying to pull a “100 days of [ ]” stunt and failing on day 3.

      • marrr

        The day 3 is probably just taking a little longer than it normally does..

        100 posts, day after day? Ambitious. And not for a second did I think it would happen. Sorry, Crls.

  • David Lee Auth

    I finished the test first, and sat. I sat for a while, trying to look like I didn’t finish first. I knew I didn’t look like I was working. I could see everyone else working, purposefully, dutifully, transported by work, together. I was sitting, trying to look like I was busy, trying not to look idle, anxious, the one who did not belong. No one was watching me. They all knew.

    The fear was coming. A normal person could finish a test, stand up, and walk out of the room, into life. But outside the clean rules of the test, pure thought and simple motion, was my fear. Where does one go? What does one say? And what does one live for once one has done, again, what one is told? O, my fear.

    She rose simply, collected her papers, handed them gracefully to the proctor, and, effortlessly, left the room. I tried to follow her example, but I failed, I know. Of course I did better on the test. Of course, I heard my mother’s voice, of course I filled in all the “right” ovals with my #2 pencil and performed my test taking task just exactly right. This is what matters to colleges and employers. We must impress them. The girl who finished second and left first moved with grace and felt the love of the world in the light of the sun and the soothing fingers of summer breeze. I filled in my bubbles and suffered my fear.

    The boy walked out into his life, his head full of thoughts all his own. There he went. The rest of them left, alone or together, but alltogether they all left. The day wore on. It would be months until the next test, the next time I could do something right, a whole cruel summer alone with my fear.

    • marrr

      There, the lyricism you’ve been missing, Carles.

      Writing in ‘poem forms’ is not what it takes to be poetic. Or a poetry writer.

      • David Lee Auth

        Ty brother but poetry is artifice. Carles is a legit voice on the edge of prose and poetry texting emojis to God. Out of my league.

        Also the last sentence s/b about darkening in the summer days with the fear (via bubbles on scantron test form).