Coffee: Why is it more than just a drink?
Why are your beans roasted by guys with beards?
Why do you feel like you have to dress like a contemporary conformist to even enter a coffee shop with ‘coffee that tastes way better than Starbucks’?
Why do contemporary conformists value ‘coffee’ / ‘the local coffee shop’ so much?

To a contemporary conformist, there’s more to coffee than just beans in water…

The Coffee Shop Aesthetic & The Contemporary Conformist Consumer Experience

It is the sole purpose of the Contemporary Conformist to find a set of restaurants, brands, stores, shops, and other places to spend their money where they believe they belong. This is the mission of any consumer, but the ‘local coffee shop’ that is not a chain and is a ‘relatively new brand’ seems to be built as a playground for ContempConformies.

The contemporary conformist coffee shop offers a design aesthetic/set of colors that reinforces the Contemporary Conformist outfits of chambray/plaid/gingham/girls in stripes/girls in seafoam, coral, and lapis with J. Crew Statement necklaces. They feel ‘free’, ‘comfy’ and ‘at home’ in the contemporary conformist establishment. This is a classist barrier where ‘normals’/lamestreamers can still feel good about their syrup pumped Starbucks frappy, while contemp_conforms are ‘tasting luxury’ with high level floral-wave notes in locally sourced coffee beans.

This is not the era of the ‘comfy’ coffee shop where bohemians would gather to drink shitty coffee on couches that should have been left on the curb. This is a place where your taste buds are stimulated with richness, acidity, or whatever flavor profile ‘represents’ the coffee shop.

This is our meeting place. We can ‘vent’ after work. They also have beer/wine, in case it was a ‘rough’ day at the middle class job.

Contemporary Conformists use the coffee shop as a place to gather with their contemporary conformist circles. They use it as a ‘safe’ daytime meeting spot for Tinder dates so they can prove they are ‘cultured’ to one another without the pressure of dinner/drinks/intimacy.

‘Good coffee’ doesn’t even have to taste good. If you are a high level contemporary conformist, you can say that ‘the way you like it’ is ‘the best’ and use that to connect/argue with other passionate contemporary conformists.

Take a photo of the latte art.
Post it to the social network.
This is organic marketing.
Referrals from ‘real people’.
Geotagging, hashtagging.
Creating a fear of missing out
By sharing their cultural experiences with other people who have not yet culturally experienced the ‘authentic’ new coffee shop.

“I like ur Redwings.”

The Coffee Shop Biz Model / Fulfilling Employment Pyramid

Coffee has artisanal vibes. It ‘meets the needs of a community.’ It is scalable in a local way that makes conteporary conformists feel like they are ‘supporting local.’ It allows the enslaved employees to dress like contemporary conformists to feel as though they ‘have a career’ as ‘a barista.’ This is way better than dressing in ‘a black uniform’ to be a shitty Starbucks employee. They are a national chain/brand.

The boss trusts my palette. I am able to participate in cuppings.

The coffee shop owner is usually an ‘independently wealthy’ person who has an affinity for the contemporary conformist lifestyle. They went on a trip to South America and experienced ‘authentic’ bean harvesting/roasting and think they are Anthony-Bordain-wave/on an eternal spirit journey. They believe that their coffee shop is ‘making a difference in the community.’ It probably is, but more importantly, they are BANKING off the contemporary conformist demand for ‘better than Starbucks’ coffee.

There is also a ‘coffee shop owner’ that ‘started small’ but had a ‘passion’ for great coffee. They built a brand at local events / farmers markets, eventually saving/raising enough capital to build their own contemporary conformist superstore. This is the small business dream of all contemporary conformists (And humans) [via fulfillment].

Do u ever feel like u can’t go in2 a coffee shop without perfectly gelled hair / a fine beard / a statement necklace?

The Process of Coffee

Coffee can be ‘made’ different ways. I have no idea how it all works. I think there is ‘espresso’ and there is ‘American vibed coffee’ that is all boring. There is ‘pour over.’ French press is a thing. I had an exGF who ‘insisted’ that French Press created the best tasting coffee. All I know is that it required a coffee grinder, and then you had to clean it out, which was kinda annoying since the beans were coarse.

Wanna go on a roasting spirit journey? See how it’s really made? Really ‘connect’ with ‘the earth’ and ‘the process’ behind the whole journey? Africa? South America? Where do they serve the best Modern American Cuisine?

“Let’s also stop by the PURE COCAINE farm.” -not very contempconformie

Anyways, every1 gets to talk about how their process ‘brings out the best flavors.’ There is no ‘right way’ to drink coffee, but you can still ‘bond’ with people about why certain methods are ‘the best.’ You can go to a shop that doesn’t allow you to put your own milk / sugar / fake sweetener because they truly ‘know what the fuck’ coffee is supposed to taste like because they have gone on their own goddamn coffee spirit journeys and you are just some idiot looking for ‘a dessert replacement.’

I am so lost.
How do I find the best coffee evr?
I guess I just have to keep trying different coffees
And convincing myself I am ‘on a journey’ that ‘few’ could appreciate
My palette is warping.
It’s changing
I appreciate more than the soda pop my parents forced down my throat as a child
I am the evolved contemporary conformist.

What is the most auth coffee experience?

I just want to see an man of Incan descent who is under 5 ft tall but could climb an Andes Mountain in about 30 minutes because of his lung capacity harvest some beans for me. He can shittily roast them over some unregulated flame. He will go to a dirty river and get some water that looks as brown as coffee already. He will step on the beans with his dirty feet to ‘grind’ them, getting his natural oils/bloods/life/culture into the grounds. He will pour the grinds into the coffee, allowing them to sit for 48 hours in the sun, fermenting into some hallucinogen.

I will then know what the most auth coffee in the world is. It will be the only thing that helps me 2 understand why coffee matters so much 2 contemporary conformists. And I will pay him about $20 for this cup of coffee, turning me into his God of Coffee.

I am the Coffee God. [via Incans who have multiple Gods]

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What is the most auth coffee?
Got any good coffee tips?
What is the best contemporary conformist coffee shop in your town? [Please comment or email me.] Instagram link is probably most optimal
Is coffee good 2 drink, or too contemporary conformist?
Should we all just drink tap water?
Folgers Instant vibes?
Why do contemporary conformists need to ‘appreciate’ their interests more than other ppl appreciate their interests?
How did the Contemporary Conformist coffee shop create ‘the perfect aesthetic’ that requires no Instagram filter?
Is latte art for ‘pussies’?
Who drinks ‘real milk’ anyways?
Almond? Soy? Protein replacement milk vibes?
What do u order in a coffee shop?
Are coffee shops just too contemporary conformist 2 enjoy?
Why is coffee something worth ‘being passionate abt’?
Wanna roast some beans on our George Foreman grill 2nite?

What is the deal with Contemporary Conformists? [Part 1] [Part 2] [The Bus]

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