If this post gets 50 comments, I will record a podcast.

Please feel free to comment with suggestions 4 a hypothetical podcast topic / audio_stream.
Feel free to comment with questions 4 the next ‘mailbag.’
I just want 2 be there 4 u & answer ur questions/deliver content that ‘enriches’ ur life.

We r auth. 2gether.
Building something
[via auth community]
Reject the main/lame/net/alt/indie_stream.

We r us.

carles-buzz-mailbag

Auth bro wants auth GF.

Email from Nico:

Hey Carles,

I’m just a chill dude lookin for a chill bb. some1 to write songs for n shit. Some1 who “gets it” and just wants to stay home n watch youtube vids or go to parties nd put on PC music so we can explain it to ppl who don’t “get it.” She’d probably wear backwards mac demarco-wave caps and be in a band or somethin. I feel like I’m an auth enough guy for some1 like that. I’m just trying to have a “meaningful” experience with another human being.

Chillin con carne

Nico

How can we help him find a chill auth bb?
What is the ideal chill auth bb like?
Don’t we all just want some1 auth 2 have meaninful experiences with?
Please leave a comment or email me if u r an auth boy/girl looking 4 another auth boy/girl. Just want to help ppl find true <3. This is a meaningful e_community that can be transitioned in2 IRL.

Place 2 buy vibes

Email from reader bro Paul:

Yo Carles,

I found a spot where you can purchase vibes. Sliding scale.

Enjoy.
vibes-4-sale

Have u ever been 2 VIBEZ? Seems pretty auth. What do they sell there? Flavored vibes? Packaged vibes? Vibes in the bulk? Hookah shit? Weed smoking toolz? VHS tapes of music festivals?

Any1 going 2 South Bi? Marfa Myths? Brochellaz? Some other auth experience?
Email me if any auth shit is going down and you want 2 auth out. Or just tell me about experiences that u went to, thinking that they would be auth. Then whether or not they panned out. Like some restaurant / art exhibit / festival / Insane Inflatable 5k / color run / peyote vibe.

Some bro emailed me abt his life

I’m in cologne Germany, chilled in a real life Gestapo prison museum – thought about totalitarian regimes, how ppl really had 2 ‘go underground’, live with a ‘mask’, thought abt how even if u got caught with an lp/cassette tape of [any American music] u & ur fam get disappeared. U think that guy who smuggled the wack cassette tape music that meant ‘freedom’ in that moment is the only true auth, and we happen 2 live in this really safe era where ‘auth’ is some complicated math equation dialectic like ‘contemporary art’ = bullshit totally removed from skill/quality?

Who knows

Damn. Seems pretty auth [via ‘not sure what u r talking abt, but u seem pure in ur search 4 auth.’

Question about Future Islands.

hi carles,

do you consider future islands an ‘auth’ band? I think they might be ‘the auth band’.

thanks,
elliot

Future Islands is pretty standard scalable indie to me. I can still appreciate the simple vibes of it, like some old hefty bro emotionally singing quirkily on stage [via ‘the Letterman performance’].


It gives the olds of indie ‘hope’ that even when they are ‘old’, they can still pursue their artistic buzzband dreams. That they can be an old man ‘getting zany’ and ‘going crazy’ but still being processed as art, instead of just some ‘out of touch old person.’ The song ‘Seasons (Waiting On You)’ was like one of p4k’s top songs of 2014, automatically making it NOT VERY AUTH.

I feel like their shows are probably annoying, with so many entry levelz there ‘waiting for the song’2 ‘feel’ an epic performance. They have apparently been a band for like 10+ years, just need a ‘memorable indie meme’ 2 break thru. So scalable in2 adult indie audiences who ‘buy albums and concert tix’.

Women in auth

Dear Carles,

Is there room for women in the “auth” movement? Yea i be repping auth so hard (insert random emoji here)
Is it weird that I feel at home in a room full of cats?

Lots of love,
Bellauth

Women are chill. Every1 can be auth, but most ppl are false_auth. Bros/men and Girls/women.
I am not sure if cats are auth or netstream

I love women. [via Molls Rankin 4evr and alvvayz]

Carles is awesome

Carles, my chill auth bro,

Carles.buzz is #2chill and auth a project to stop. Your voice seriously resonates with me, as silly as you are, you make sense and I feel the same way about a lot of the things you write. And you’re the only blogger I care about. Please don’t leave, I need you and your wonderful content.

Keep up the chill work bro,
– Nuria

Ps. ‘failed2scale-wave’ sounds p neat
8.1/10 best new genre, would sincerely listen too

Thanx 4 being chill and emailing me positive vibes, unlike all of the other a-holes in the comments. Feel like a cyberbullied teen sometimes.

Does Nothing Matter, yall?

Hey Carles,

– If nothing matters, the idea of “mattering” is dumb and non-existent.
– I don’t want to die
– I matter to my parents
– I hate watching others suffering
– I don’t give a shit if the person who built this Dell suffered although I didn’t see them.
– I define myself as an anti-Apple consumer but it’s just because I’m broke
– You are a distraction
– Why is math and science important if nothing matters
– Math and science exist to figure out do we matter

What would it take for you to acknowledge that something matters?

-Arjun

Damn bro. Nothing Matters is prettie heavie. I am not sure what the deal with math & science are. Seems like it is important [via curing cancer].

Email abt Grimes

please blog about grimes for the love of god (WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING HER)

grimes nude breast

Should I blog abt Grimes?
Or do we all ‘get’ how she scaled?
Are we ‘over’ her tittie sucking ways, or was she more auth when she only drank human breast milk? [via ‘living off the land’] (Please note, I do not see the breast picture in a sexual way. I support women and any type of relationship they choose to enter with other human beings.)
Or just focus on auth content?
Do readers still want scalable indie breakdown analysesez?
Or is that ‘trying too hard to scale’?

Plz email me with more questions & input. Tell me abt ur search 4 auth. Ur life. How u need help. If u need a bf/gf. I appreciate all of u.

Laters.

Previous auth p0sts

  • SkyKid

    first

  • Uno

    I’m gonna post this 50x
    Cuz I want a fucking podcast
    All about me
    Ur totally a self
    Via crls is awesome

    self obsessed narcissist

  • Dos

    self obsessed narcissist

  • stewart

    Podcast it up, dude

  • Tres

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

  • 4

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome
    1

  • 4

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome
    Soooo obsessed

  • 5

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Show ur bones

  • 6

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Ur so false
    Show ur face

  • 6

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Stop hiding

  • buffet_enthusiast_420

    plz podcrest, carlz..

  • 666

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Me
    Me
    Me

  • 666mememe

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Me
    Myself
    I

  • 666mememe ok I’m done

    self obsessed narcissist
    Via crls is awesome

    Meeeeeeeeeee

    • WePromiseWeLoveWomyn

      i feel like i saw this girl in some auth amateur porn with bad lighting

  • H.D. Broreau

    really wish carles would do a podcast [via “i want to create a version of reality with you that we can both find meaning and humour in”]

    • Bronello_Cucinelli

      one of my fave memories of my youth is listening to a bunch of HRO podcasts while playing through duke nukem forever

  • Marty Funkhouser

    Spamming is so unchill. No auth

  • pushupbrah

    17th

  • max_auth

    I’d b down 2 listen.

  • FaygoBro420

    i have been to “vibez” and i can tell you that they sell vibrators (via sexual stimulation).

  • https://twitter.com/theericlarson Obscure Cactus

    i’m going to effin’ kill myself

  • Jack Auth

    Pcast abt auth bro.
    Why we need auth.
    Why auth can never become a ‘trend’. (or can it?)
    fake_auths.
    Auth sub-genres.
    Depressed auth vs. emo
    Unscalable auth vs. terrible musician
    Auth dating app? (sign me up)
    No grimes plz

  • FaygoBro420

    Podcast where you explain whether given concepts are “Auth or Nauth” and why.

    Example: Burger Records, auth or nauth (the answer is obvious here, I feel, but I would like to hear you treat it anyway).

    Podcast where you read and comment on good emails you have received (with the senders’ permission).

    Example: The email I sent that was great (you said so yourself) (not the other ones I sent that were frivolous / almost cyberbullying).

  • Kogger

    your frankfurter school-like cultural critisism/modarn day nietzsche theory around culture is fascinating. using neologisms to understand trends like “scalability” is what I’ve enjoyed the most of this ‘blog’.

    a little less the music writings.

    sorrie, just honest

  • Pop Tha Trunk

    I <3 podz bb. (via Grantland Pop Culture Channel)

  • The Tobloggan

    can you be too old for auth?
    is auth for the young?
    can a 60 year old be auth?
    28 year old?
    38 year old?
    14 year old? [via podcast subject]

  • Grant

    yes i’d like a podcast. i’d also like a scale check. how’s stuff doing as it scales up? pc music gettin’ big – how’s that scaling? etc.

  • MasterDebator

    if nothing matters then y is math

    sch00l’d

  • Sierra

    i’m so glad we have nipslips and that photo of grimes suckin on a teet <3

  • Bronello_Cucinelli

    how can I tell if I am auth or false_auth ??

  • auth.jpg

    i made an account thing just so i could comment on this.
    i want an auth podcast

  • authcore2k15

    Can a person really be ‘auth’ if they purposely imitate the form and style you type in Carles?
    Because that is the furthest thing from auth, and it needs to stop.
    People need to be themselves, especially on the internet, where if you copy someone else’s style, you look like a straight up biter and should stop trying so hard to be part of counter culture.

    • Fuxalt

      Auth police….
      Nothing matters bro

  • Bones

    Carles is baaack y’all

  • tim d

    is south bi auth anymore? house parties only? is marfa still auth? or should i just move to alpine (via richard linkbro)

  • carles #1 fan

    omg a new podcast???? #yay #hooray #springishere #goddessisreal

    look at that, carles the matchmaker, #lovesit

    i wanna hear about what websites are auth i can click if theres no new posts on carles.buzz and ive already replied to all the coms

    thank u for the vibes in this post bb,
    one love

    • Girl and her horsey

      Ur the best ever

  • carles #1 fan

    I don’t wanna wait

    for our lives to be over

    • Ur my fav

      God I luv u

  • carles #1 fan

    I’ma say some crazy thing,

    I don’t think scalability is bad

    I think it’s gona save humanity LMAO!

    • dat_bro06

      omfg

  • Youth Group Bro

    I was at a show a few months ago and some bro came up to me and said how much I look like the lead bro in Future Islands. I was like “Thanks bro I vibe pretty hard to them” then I Googled Future Islands and realized that someone had just said that I look like a suburban cool dad who is losing a battle with his midsection. I’m 23.

  • dat_bro06

    *Tears of happiness*

    Carl: if our love is tragedy, y r u my remedy?
    Carl: if our love is insanity, y r u my clarity?

    • I still have ur book

      I loved Arbor Day by Charlie Browns

  • Jonathan

    Make it happen! Carles 4 podcats! Charlie Brown is auth

  • ar12

    I heart the podcast idea. But r u going 2 talk like blog radio Carles or ur normal voice? Because u kind of talk like a high schooler. Just saying, BB. Still luv u.

  • Crlsbergbars

    I miss niko son
    Give him our luv
    Pod cast about
    The girl
    Vs the cumslut

  • Abe

    I love you, Carles! Please start a podcast, I think it would be #goodshit no matter what you talk about.

  • carles #1 fan

    carl i love to hear your sweet dulcet tones in your podcast voice,

    feel close to u and peaceful,

    used to listen to those while doing chores and stuff as a tween,
    was p chill

    • I’m ur #1

      Your so amazing bb
      I luv u

      • carles #1 fan

        bb! your support means a lot! <3 <3 <3

  • carles #1 fan

    how can i fashion my clothes and hair and stuff to attract fellow auths when i’m out and about in malls and food courts?

    • Do you

      DoU
      That’s auth

      • carles #1 fan

        got it, ty

  • Boob

    50.

  • We did it

    51 comments yall
    Crls post about ur life time line
    Or some shit
    Tell us the meaning of life
    Via nothing matter
    Why does nothing matter
    Why ask why
    What was ur Saturn return like
    Where’s waldo
    Where in the world is Carmen San
    What’s life like on Mars
    What’s the deal with turtles
    What’s ur fav color
    What kinda ice cream is auth
    How do u like ur eggs
    Should all fortunes in fortune cookies end with <'in bed…?
    Lemme know

  • JeeB

    Question for your upcoming pcast, Carl. What is the most Auth city? Feels like it may b Kansas City.

  • carles #1 fan

    Carles

    look what we’ve accomplished tonight

    Baby you’ve got
    what it takes

    Don’t let em hold you down
    reach for the stars

    • The boy with the filthy laugh

      I envy you
      You’re so pure
      Like the cold driven snow

      Crls
      I want your pain
      Via I drink your milkshake
      There will be
      Blood

  • guyfigus840

    lets start a fight club
    but we don’t really fight
    unless people want to
    but we really just meet in a bar basement
    and auth out

  • AFR-auth

    More stuff like what you posted in “Why I h8 online media” about the design and monetization of the internet and how it is marketed to the lowest common denominator of humans [via post reality TV boom-wave marketing structures] and how click bait is the newest brain rotting filth shoved down our throats so we stay interested long enough to look at the ads.

    • macostarz

      Nah bro. Hows about something in the vein of ‘Why I <3 online media?'

      The walls of mediocrity are not to be scrutinized, they are to be scaled—keep us on our toes, carles. We all just want 2 see the sky~~

  • Captain Howdy

    bruh…

  • KONY_2K12

    <3

  • macostarz

    Carles: Like it or not, u have consciously cast aside your previous persona as a mere pop culture critic and are now quite literally the ‘leader’ of a ‘meta-movement.’

    Keeping that in mind:
    -What is the nature of such a ‘following?’

    -Do u receive more death threats or marriage proposals?

    -What sort of feels are u experiencing today?

    -What is the typical day in the life of carles?

    -What dark circumstances prompted your triumphant return?

    -What are u ‘really planning?’

    • Tonytwoballs

      +1 on the real inner workings of carles.

  • STINKY

    is Carles @ALLCAPSBRO?

  • Tonytwoballs

    Wow bro, that didn’t take long. I guess the auths have spoken/time for some auth-casting.

    Definitely include some thoughts about what makes Drake so super influential. Also, what do you think of his newest album? I would love to know because I have never listened to a drake song (that I know of) and would love some insight into what makes his music so amazing without ever listening to it myself.

    For realz though, I’d love to hear musings about other scalable/scaled societal trends besides music. Are you automatically not auth if you are religious, a global warming alarmist/denier, a republican, a democrat, a crossfitter?

    Thanks for listening to your public bro!

  • JacquiChan

    Can’t w8 to get vulnerable with u bb

  • HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK

    What is the ultimate auth-girl in the city tv show in American culture?
    Girls
    Sex in The City
    Broad City
    That’s so Raven
    Newport Harbor: The Real OC
    Gossip Girls
    Pussy Riot Fucking inside of a church.

    • carles #1 fan

      dont forget,
      – dont trust the CumsluT in apt 23
      – mindy proj
      – new gril
      – khloe & kourtney take miami
      – that new one with the secretary from The Office who replaced Pam
      – ally mcbeal

  • ChrisBrownSwag

    Carles this comment number is on steroids, it would never pass a physical!

  • Anal sex is the best

    Can you talk about nipple stimulation
    Via various kinds of female organisms?

  • Crls ur gf is a thick lady

    Crls I just ran Into ur gf at the beach
    Titties look ok
    But wtf
    She got huge!!!!!
    #rollllllllllzzzzz

    Confused
    Before and after was misleading
    Remind me not to join her diet and exercise plan

  • AAAA12345

    adult content

  • HollyBroLightly

    s’il vous plait

  • Christopher

    Hey Carles,

    Maybe you can talk about how your life is going.
    What new things have you experienced recently?
    Do you have any opinions on popular culture that you feel like sharing?
    Is there a political issue that ‘makes you mad’?
    Did you pick up an acoustic guitar and sing about it via mike kinsella.
    which vibes are you vibing out to?
    how does your family / friends / coworkers / acquaintances feel about your auth lifestyle?

    when does auth become nauth?
    when does auth become too forced?
    Is it when an auth person is aware of the term ‘auth’ from one of their friends tween siblings who call him ‘auth’ in an attempt to belittle due to their uncomfortable feelings toward the person for engaging in things/activities that they are unfamiliar with?

    Is Brian Wilson auth? Or was he just some high school bro looking for a scalable medium / topic via surfing / cars / girls ?

    Did he become auth in his later days [ via crazy coke eyes ]?

    Is it possible to make the transition from nauth to auth?

  • Jacob Morris

    Podcast plz