Many readers have asked for help managing their portfolios and planning 4 their financial futures. Please feel free to ask more questions in the comments sections about auth advice, or just email me, yall!
So if I have an Etsy shop, do I become a millionaire now because I am an employee with stock options?
Yes, you are rich now. Congratulations.
If I purchased something from a retailer on Etsy, am I rich now, too?
Yes. When a company files an Initial Public Offering, every1 who has purchased an item from the company gets money.
Will the quality of ‘shittie crafts’ on Etsy improve now that there is ETSY stock?
Yes, all crafts will be able to track your steps now [via FitBit]
What should ur net worth be?
I was watching this ‘Prudential’ commercial that tells you that you just have to have a bunch of ribbon in order 2 be able 2 retire. So I guess just go to a crafts store [via Etsy] and buy tons of ribbon. Then after the economie collapses, you can use it as a weapon to choke people to eat their dogs/cats/domesticated animals that will be the only source of protein.
I don’t think u actually need to save, because eventually your body will break down, then the government will just pay for you to stay alive as a vegetable. Eventually you will have no loved ones around u anyways, so you might as well go vegetable/alzheimer’s-wave by the time it’s ‘the end.’
If you have money in ur bank account, u should probably just do something that gets u in touch with your artistic/creative side even though it is doomed 2 fail.
Now that ETSY has IPO-ed, will I be able to retire before age 35?
Yes, if you have APPLE and ETSY stock, u r at the cutting edge of stock portfolioing. I once read Warren Buffet say that you can only buy stock if u can actually appreciate the product in ur life. Etsy offers tons of crafts that you can hang on walls, wipe ur ass with, and meaningfully gift.
Did you know that the average auth spends $10/day on auth coffee?
Yeah that’s chill. It’s a service 2 have auth beans roasted and shit. Don’t worry about paying 4 it. Keep spending. It is what separates u from ‘being a poor’ or ‘being some basic idiot’ who gets syrup pumped into their coffee at Starbucks. Gimme a fuckin break, broski.
Should I stop buying mad drugs 2 facilitate auth experiences? Should I go strate edge?
It’s cool, just find a very organic-wave dealer and it will feel like u r ‘supporting the local/underground economie.’ It is important 2 move beyond capitalizm.
When will I receive my ETSY royalties?
Any1 who knows what ETSY is will receive a $1,000 check before the end of the month. You will also receive a statement with
Is crafting scalable?
I guess in a way, crafting is the master art. Every1 can do it (even children/mentally disabled), and u just have 2 go 2 a Hobby Lobby 2 be able
Is money auth?
I guess we all have 2 ‘werk’ 2 ‘make a living.’ Auth is a state of mind, but u sorta have to ‘make money’ in order to ‘get’ a specific tier of life experiences. You can’t just be one of those poor dudes strumming a guitar. Auth is new & contemporary & will expire.
Do you have tips for turning my ETSY business into a multimillion dollar empire?
You should probably just follow some sort of social media/youtube ‘business guru’ and feel like you have ur life ‘more in order’ by being able to ramble off random ‘life facts’ about business and u can convince urself ur ‘a successful personality type.’
Dudes who drive LAMBOS = AUTH or NOT AUTH?
Can I scale my business?
yes/no.
Will auth ever have an IPO?
No, but auth MIGHT be acquired by a major retailer/soft drink brand.
Did you check out the new Drake album?
No.
Can ETSY become the next Facebook/ebay?
If they play their cards right, they might just become the next ____________.
Why does every1 in the carles.buzz comments h8 Carles?
R u buying Etsy stock?
Let us know what advice you have [via finances/portfolio/life/personal wealth] in the commentz!
